can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
