just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
