I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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