i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
