so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
