I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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