i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
