Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
