Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
