he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
our cab driver is having phone sex.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
