Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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