final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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