We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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