Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
