i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
