first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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