I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
