i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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