my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
