There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
