At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
