Well apparently he's into motor boating.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
