I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
