I'm eating all of the evidence.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
