I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
