Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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