Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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