Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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