my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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