I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
