I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I stole a fireplace last night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
