she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
