listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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