i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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