I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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