Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just gargled with NyQuil
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
