I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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