So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
