So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
