i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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