we're blogging at a bar
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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