you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
