He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
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