There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
