I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just high enough for therapy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Pooping to opera.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
