We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
