Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
