He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
