you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
