I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
