my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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