I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
