Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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