So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
This girl is more easily done than said...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
